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 annoying new girl 
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two more months i think...?


Fri Sep 26, 2008 5:38 pm
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I've never seen 24 and I don't intend to do so because I don't watch a lot of tv. In regards to Kiefer Sutherland's supposed hotness, I have no comment.


Fri Sep 26, 2008 6:15 pm
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It's been awhile since anyone has posted here, but I think I said that I should post an essay here sometime. I wrote a semi-SA related biography. Okay, it's not at all SA related except that I based it off of a picture of Dave. The assignment was to find a picture of an interesting looking person whom you had never met before(Dave meets both requirements) and write a short, fictional biography about them and state how they are related to you(I wish). I tried to work some music stuff into it, but I didn't want my English teacher to think that I didn't make anything up(although it's really obvious that I made this entire story up).
Warning: When I say I know how to write essays, I don't mean English essays, I mean non-fiction essays, like for global history. This might be absolutely horrible. Oh, and the name Philippe just popped into my head. I don't mean to offend you Phil, the name just fit really well with Gèrard. No offense to anyone else either. I promise that I don't mean to offend anyone, though I don't think it does.
Philippe Gèrard Schreckengaust was born in Denver, Colorado on April 1, 1964 to German immigrants Michel and Michelle Schreckengaust, both of whom acquired their names after their families’ travels through France. Philippe Gèrard himself is not in the least French and changed his name from Carter Simpson Schreckengaust, Simpson being his mother’s maiden name, after moving to Canada.
Philippe grew up in Denver and went through all of his schooling there before dropping out of high school after hearing of what had become of his family in the United States. His parents had come to the US to be with family, the Simpsons, but before the Schreckengausts arrived, the Simpsons died in a house fire. Philippe did not hear of this occurrence until his late teens, which moved him to tears. Realizing that he didn’t know any of his extended family, he set off across the country, working various odd jobs from florist to lab rat and even tried his hand at music.
Philippe visited the whole of the continental United States, but could not afford an airline ticket to visit the family he knew waited for him in Germany. Philippe Gèrard continued to work all of the country until he realized that his life was going nowhere. He decided to move to Canada to finish high school. He took night classes while working his first steady job at a supermarket in Toronto, which is where he got the idea for his name change. After his graduation, Philippe attended the University of Toronto where he met his first wife, Veronica Ariel Audrey Morel. During this time, Philippe suffered from depression and overdosed on aspirin sending him into a coma. Most believe that he sent himself into the coma, but others speculate that it was Veronica, though no one has ever bothered to ask Philippe himself.
Philippe spent the next seven years in the hospital only for it to be discovered that he was not in a coma at all. A security camera captured him dancing around his hospital room in his gown several times before anyone realized what this meant. He had never been in a coma at all, but was just faking the entire time. The doctors who were working with him, of course, were fired for missing something so blatant.
Being as out of touch with society as he was, Philippe decided to move back in with his parents. His parents, distraught with the loss of their young son, had gone mad talking with only themselves for they never successfully assimilated. They did not at first understand what had happened, but welcomed Philippe home with open arms when they understood who he was, but continued to call him Carter even though his name was now legally Philippe Gèrard. Philippe soon moved out again, finding it embarrassing to be a thirty-four year old living with his parents.
He moved to California where he met his second wife, Sylvia Kate Love. They fell madly in love, though their marriage was not legally binding because Philippe was still married to Veronica. They lived together for a year before Veronica showed up, with her now nine-year-old son, Steven Morel Schreckengaust. She had just recently heard of Philippe’s exit from the hospital and was looking to start their lives over again. Unable to believe any of this, Philippe flees to Europe and changes his name to Seymour Shrekkingghost to keep his wives off his trail. Yet again, Seymour goes in search of his family, only this time he is able to look where he believes they are hiding.
Seymour travels all across Europe, never finding a single piece of evidence to prove that the Schreckengausts ever even existed. In denial, he decides that he wants to study the culinary arts in France, though he never masters the skill of keeping quiet while baking a soufflé and is soon kicked out. Down on his luck yet again, Seymour decides to travel across Europe again, but his trip is soon cut short when he spies Sylvia at a café in the South of France.
Seymour returns to Denver to question his parents about the Schreckengausts. It turns out that they never actually existed. The Schreckengausts were really Solomons from England and the immigrants were actually Seymour’s grandparents, not his parents. Both of his parents were masters of language and decided to perform a social experiment by pretending to be German.
Seymour had been living a lie. He was not a Schreckengaust, but a Solomon. He visited England to see his grandparents’ graves and confirm that his parents were telling the truth. He did not find solace in the sight of these graves, though, and turned back to drugs and ended up living on the streets of Paris where his wives eventually cornered him. He told them his entire story and Veronica had the heart to forgive him, but Sylvia just walked out of his life forever.
Together at last, Veronica and Seymour move back to Toronto with their son and Seymour changes his name back to Philippe Gèrard Schreckengaust. Philippe was able to get clean with the help of his wife and ended up going back to college. He received a degree in English and wrote a best-selling novel about his ordeals struggling with his identity. He was even able to get in touch with some of his lost family, such as my own mother who is his cousin on her father’s side.
Philippe moved to the United States and ran for governor of Ohio after remembering that he had always hated English in school. He won by a landslide with his fresh ideas and the fact that no one else wanted the job. He worked his way up the ranks until he became president.
During his first term, the US experienced a golden age, but Schreckengaust soon went mad with power, waging an unnecessary war with Australia because “he didn’t like their steak”, which other people agreed with. Philippe was able to conquer Australia and it didn’t take long for it to become our fifty-first state.
Weak from war, the US was susceptible Schreckengaust’s later reforms, such as claiming that he was sole dictator of the US and renaming the country the United States of Philippe Gèrard. The economy flourished with the new dictator, while people agreed with the new political set about by Schreckengaust. It was still a democracy, in Schreckengaust’s eyes, but there were no more checks and balances. There were, however, still democratic votes and laws that were to be upheld at all times.
Schreckengaust left office after his second term on a high note, but the next dictator fell on his face, plunging the US into a depression, so he moved his family back to Canada. He spent the rest of his life working in the science field and entering local karaoke competitions, which he always won. Philippe came close to finding the cure for cancer, but sadly, he fell ill with a disease now known as Philippe’s Death.
He died after visiting his parents in an airport where people recognized him and trampled him to death trying to get his autograph. All of those people supposedly caught Philippe’s Death and spread it all through North America. No one actually knows what it does and no one knows the signs. The only thing known about it is that Philippe himself discovered it and had it. There has yet to be a single death caused by it.
I hope that wasn't utterly horrible to read.
Oh, and did 24 start up again, to get back on topic, kind of.


Tue Feb 10, 2009 10:27 pm
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hey nicole - sorry it took me 2 weeks to come back to this and finally read it. the length overwhelmed me at first but it was really amusing to read! much more amusing than i anticipated :) thanks for sharing!


Wed Feb 25, 2009 8:54 pm
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